Let’s face it. We all get angry with our children and our children may get angry as well. It is okay to feel angry. What is not okay is that we don’t hear the message hidden in the anger. In that moment of anger, the child might seem like a dreadful foe to you. Yes, your very own child. It is this innate love we have for our children that keeps us going. Otherwise, children have a knack for driving us to the point of insanity.
When your child is upset or angry, he might be in need of your help. He might become really difficult to deal with. Maybe he wants your attention more. Let him feel free to shed all those tears in front of you. May be he hasn’t slept enough and needs to go to bed early. We simply don’t think about what the child is trying to convey by acting out because we are too angry to thing straight as well. In that moment, you need to maintain your cool. That is the difficult part.
Here are some tips to maintain your cool when your child is upset or angry:
1. 5 seconds in your head
At a lot of times, we tend to over react when our child acts up. Later on, we feel guilty and think we could have dealt with the child in a better way. Take 5 seconds in your head to figure out whether you are actually angry at your child or is it something else that is bothering you and you are taking it out at your child. See whether you have issues with your husband or you are extremely stressed out and tired or you don’t like the way your child is behaving.
2. Listen to your inner voice
If you are already triggered and you have started shouting at your child, pause. At times, you inner self will tell you that you are doing wrong and you still continue doing it. Listen to the inner voice and stop immediately. Now don’t feel embarrassed to stop in the middle of all your yelling and screaming. Stop even if you have to stop in the middle of your sentence. Inhale deeply and fill up your lungs and slowly exhale.
3. Don’t gather the fire woods
There are times when we don’t even take notice of the fact that we are actually getting annoyed unless we have done our deed. Why does that happen? That happens because we start picking up all the firewood to spark off our annoyance and irritation. What we do is remind ourselves in our head about all the things that makes our child an ungrateful and spoiled brat. That lashes out in the form of all the anger show down. Just stop as soon as you notice your head is talking all negative little things to fire you up more. Inhale and let the air fill you up and exhale out all the negativity and anger.
4. Rewire your brain
Noticing your anger and negative thoughts and acting accordingly takes time, effort and practice. It is easily said than done. It is the toughest job to do. If your brain is used to doing all the bickering and picking up on negative things inside you, teaching it to follow a different route is going to take time and a lot of effort. Resisting to act out will re-program your brain. The more you do it, the easier it will become for you. You might lose the battle inside you at times but don’t bow down. Keep practicing to notice emotions and resisting the negative ones, you will surprise yourself with how cool you can remain when your child acts out.
5. Do it all over again
So you tried to discipline your head and resist anger but you ended up triggered and angry. Make up to your child by telling him that you are sorry and you would like to do it again. Maintain your cool this time and give your child a listen. Try to stoop low and look at things the way he does. Don’t become all judgmental and blame everything on him. Instead, empathize with him. For instance, if he has broken his favorite toy, ask him if you can do anything about it. Propose solutions and say what a terrible thing it is to have his favorite toy broken. Accept and notice his feelings.
6. Notice how your body reacts to anger
The hardest thing to do on earth is to eat up your anger. Why not begin with simply resisting it. How to do that? Your body gives you different signs when you are feeling this emotion called anger. You might feel hollow in your stomach. You throat or stomach might feel tight. You might shiver. Breath in all the places you feel indications of anger. Open up to your feelings and see how the anger fades away.
