Don’t we all just want our children to cooperate with us? Parenting toddlers and children in general can be tough (actually very tough!). If your child feels connected to you, he will naturally cooperate with you. Don’t forget they are still kids with emotions but once they feel you are actually on their side, they will accept you as their leader. You need to build positive connection with your child in order to build a stronger relationship.
Let’s face it. We spend more than half the time nagging, criticizing, scolding, correcting, yelling and reminding kids. Did you know you need to spend five times more time in building positive connection? What you can do is develop daily habits of connection to foster positivity and stronger relationship with your child. After all, your child just has 900 weeks of childhood before he leaves. Little habits can go a long way.
Here are some habits that can help strengthen your relationship with your child:
1. Keep your gadgets away when you communicate with your child
This is the most important thing to remember in today’s era with technology hovering over our heads all the time. Your child needs to remember that you were the most important thing to him. Spaced out communication leaves your child feeling detached. He needs COMPLETE attention from you. No matter how many times your phone beeps while you are talking to your child, simply ignore it.
Eye contact while communicating with your child can foster positive communication rather than keeping your eyes on your gadget’s screen and talking to your child at the same time. Another good idea is to turn off the music in the car while driving. Since you are not facing your child directly, it will help him to feel easy and comfortable to initiate communication with you.
2. Acknowledge your child’s emotions
If you notice that your child is feeling angry, let him take it out. Bottling up child’s emotion will make him take it out somewhere else. Therefore, garner all your sympathy and care to put a bandage on all his upsets. Make sure you keep your anger under control and give him space to pour out his emotions rather than making him suppress it. This sure is a difficult part but you know he will always come crying to you.
What makes letting out anger important is the fact that the anger veils the fears and tears he may have. Accept his feelings and show him that you understand his pain. Yes, it is a tough thing to do but is a part of positive parenting anyways and remember no one said parenting is an easy task.
3. Look, Listen and Feel
Sometimes talking to your child isn’t as important as listening to him. Even if you feel triggered to shush him down, just don’t. Simply say things like ‘Really! How did that happen? … Was it fun? … Tell me about it…” Your child will feel respected. Try to get through your child’s little problems using win/win solutions.
Remember you might find his problems little but they are really important issues for your child. The best thing to do in situations like these is stoop low to his level and look at the world through his eyes. You will figure out things that you won’t otherwise. Next time when your child is testing your patience, try doing this.
4. Treat your child with respect
They say respect yields respect. This little being also demands respect. If you just keep yelling and ordering your child to do things. He will adopt the same attitude with you and others around him. He is not to blame. You are because you treat him like that. Make requests rather than order. Be polite with him rather than yelling at him. You can say ‘little strawberry, it is time for dinner’ rather than saying ‘you better come sit down for dinner right this moment’.
See, you already know which one is going to raise all the tantrums and convincing and which one is simply going to work. Choose your words wisely because children tend to adopt the same tone and body language. They are more observant than you think.
5. Take the time to cherish priceless moments
So okay, you have set a schedule for your child. That doesn’t mean that you have to speed up to just do everything on time. So you are really busy huh? But you need to slow down to cherish those little moments with your child because they will grow up so fast, you won’t even know. Your schedule and busy routine is never ending but these little moments with your child aren’t.
Allow your child to smell the fruits before you make his favorite juice. Hold his nose and face while you talk to him or tell him a story. Notice his smile and listen to his innocent laughs. Take out some time to share that priceless connection. Involve yourself in the glory of your child’s childhood as this shall pass too.
6. Prioritize physical connection
This can happen in a variety of ways. Hug when you reunite with your child. Rub his shoulders, tousle his hair or pat his back as a reward for every little thing he does right. Snuggle with your child even if he is a baby and maintain this habit even if he grows up.
Have little chats while you snuggle with each other either in the morning or at bed time. Older kids may not be as responsive as little ones. Give them a bit of time while they drink water. You will see how this works wonders in building up your relationship with your child.
7. Special 15 minutes for each child
No matter how busy your schedule may be, you need to make time for your child. At least 15 minutes a day for each child will contribute to strengthening your relationship with your child. In those 15 minutes, you can do what you want at times and at other times do what your child wants.
You can even play games or be involved in a physical activity with your child. Playing therapeutic games with your child is also a good idea to dig into issues and problems they might be facing.
